One day while on school break…
Sam: Sage, why weren’t you productive today?
Sage: I was very productive, I watched an entire season of my favorite show on Netflix!
I only stabbed you a little...
Sam: Ouch! You stepped on my foot.
Sean: Sorry, but I didn’t put all my weight on it so you’ll be ok.
Sam: “Sorry I stabbed you but I only put the tip of the blade in!”
The new meaning of cool.
Sean: Sage, look at this, I have a cut on my hand.Read More
Too many friends
Sean had just had a tonsillectomy the week before and this occurred after his first day back to school
Dad: How’d your day go?Read More
Sean: (quietly) People ask me to many questions even after I tell them I can’t really talk because it hurts.
First Day of Middle School
Dad: How was your first day?
Sean: It was great dad. Guess what… they have a bag of cheetos in the cafeteria for 75¢!
That’s the important fact of the day that needs to be shared?
All I want for Christmas
Sage: All I put on my Christmas list was love.
Sean: I did that once. I regretted it.
Sam: In PE we started football and a girl on my team is scared of balls being thrown at her. It’s call ballistaphobia.
Sean: I’m not scared of balls…
Sean: … being thrown at my face.
iPhones for dinner?
Sam: Mom asked if I wanted her old iPhone but I told her I didn’t.
Dad: Why not? Have you tried an iPhone?
Sean: They don’t taste good.
My friend did a local commercial for a rehabilitation center called Beacon House. My son Sean saw the commercial while watching the super bowl.
Sean: (yelling) Dad! Bacon House! Your friend Mike is on the Bacon house commercial! Mike went to Bacon House?! Did he get lots of bacon?
Pay attention and become famous
Sean: How does Michael Jackson lean forward all the way and then get back up?
Dad: Maybe he’s attached to a cable.
Sam: Maybe he took a class in physics.
Sean: Maybe he did take a class. Maybe all the other people in the class didn’t pay attention and only he paid attention and that’s why he’s so good at it.
When I grow up...
Sam: When I grow up I want to travel. All the way from here to Maine.
Grandma: It costs a lot of money to do all that travelling.
Sam: If you travel for work does it still cost a lot.
Dad: If you travel for work your work will pay for it.
Sam: Then I’ll get a job that will help me travel. Like a con-man.
Death by Hiccups or Dad
Sean and Sage are walking up the stairs
Sean: Dad, I have the hiccups
Dad walks past the stairs and then turns and roar’s at Sean and Sage
Sage: Daddy, you scared me.
Sean: (crying) Dad… you…scared… me…
Dad: Do you still have the hiccups?
Sean: (crying) no…
The Easter Bunny
Sean: I love the Easter Bunny more than anyone. Except for God. I have to love God the most.
Sean: But I wish I could love orange chicken more than God… and hot cheetos.
Sage: Daddy, this thing on my foot…
Dad: Your ankle?
Sage: My ankle looks like a meatball.
How to be a Princess
Dad: How was your day today Sage?
Sage: whining ugh
Sean: Somebody doesn’t want to be a princess.
The S Word
Dad: Are you kids ready to go?
Sam: Let’s do this thing!
Sean: Ohhhh… Sam said the “S” word!
Dad: What? Sh#%?
Sean: No, “stupid”. That’s the“S” word.
Ponies... just think of ponies
Grandma: I had this song stuck in my head all day yesterday. What was it?
Dad: Probably best if you don’t remember it.
Sean: Just think about ponies and you won’t remember it.
Must be pink
A conversation with the kids.Read More
Future Soccer Star
Sean just loves sports. He loves them all. He loves to be outside chasing a ball. Of all the sports he’s played I get the impression he loves soccer the most. During a break in the action at his game a week back he tells me that he is the best player on the team.Read More
Sean: Dad, I fell on the monkey bars and hurt my privates again.
Dad: Be careful Sean, if you do that too much you won’t be able to have kids.
Sean: Dad, only girls make babies in their tummy’s.
Dad: Yeah Sean but… um… Never mind…
Sam: Dad, he’s too young for that conversation.
Dad: What do you mean? You’re too young for that conversation!
Sean had a blast swimming and riding on the boat.Read More
Pick My Nose
Sage: Daddy, tomorrow mommy’s going to pick my nose.
Dad: You’re mom’s going to pick your nose?
Sean and Sam: Ewwww….. gross!
Sage: No Daddy! Tomorrow mommy’s going to pick my nose.
Dad: Pick your nose?
Sage: Daddy, my fingers. Mommy’s going to paint my fingers.
Dad: OH! Mommy’s going to PAINT your NAILS!
Sage: Daddy, when is mommy picking me up?
Dad: You’re going to mommy’s house tonight but daddy is going to pick you up from school.
Dad: You’re going to mommy’s house tonight but daddy is going to pick you up from school if mommy’s not done with her dentist appoi…
Dad: Daddy’s picking you up today but you are going to mommy’s house after.
Sage: Huh daddy?
Dad: Today maybe.
Sage: Daddy, when is mommy picking me up?
Jasmin: Ew, Sagey! You Farted!
Sage: It’s, it’s just a little fart.
We were watching some Barbie Princess movie and there were dolphins…
tv: dolphin sounds
Sage: Ahhh! That’s scary.
Dad: Those aren’t sharks sweetheart, their dolphins. They’re good.
Sage: We don’t eat them Daddy!
Sage got a beautiful bed with Disney princess sheets and comforter for her birthday (thank you Grandma). She’s been getting used to sleeping in it by herself.
There’s a Toy Story poster of Rex the dinasour right next to her bed.
The first night…
Sage: Daddy, I’m scared of the giraffe.
One night, after doing well a couple nights in a row, when putting her to bed…
Dad: Sage, time to go lay down in your princess bed.
Sage: I want grandma to take it back to the store.
She always sleeps well once she gets to sleep and is happy about it in the morning.
Took the boys to get a hair cut on Saturday.
Hair cut lady calls Sean’s name
Sean: Dad I can’t get a haircut from a girl!
Dad: Why Sean?
Sean: I’m allergic!
The next day Sean had an appoinment…
Dad: How was the doctor’s office?
Sean: It was bad.
Dad: What happened?
Sean: I had to get seven shots.
Dad: Oh, no… but I thought shots just tickle?
Vaccination? What's that?
Sam had a check up at the doctor’s office yesterday.Read More
Nurse (to dad): Looks like he needs a vaccination.
Sam: Vaccination? What’s that?
Nurse (to dad): So I’ll bring it in when the doctor is ready.
To the rescue
We were dangerously low on milk this morning.
Sean: Dad, how come you never go to the store and buy milk while we’re asleep.
Dad: I can’t, there wouldn’t be anyone to watch you. If something happened who would save you?
Sean: Batman and Superman.
Dad: Did Santa come?
the 5-year-old boy: No.
Dad: Did you look in the living room and see if there were presents under the tree?
the 5-year-old boy: No.
Dad: Well, go look.
the 5-year-old boy: I’m scared.
the almost 5 year old Dad, if mommy had another baby in her tummy, and she eats, the baby will get all dirty.
When dropping off the 9 year old son at school his 4 year old brother and 2 year old sister scream good by to him through the window.
Dad: You’ve got a great big brother, I like him. Do you like your big brother?
Little Sister: I do!
Dad: How about you Sean?
Little Brother: Not when he’s mean.
Sean's First Day of School
Dad: Are you excited about your first day of school?Read More
Dad: We’re going to my friend’s birthday party on Saturday. She’s going to have a piñata and goodie bags.Read More
Lions and Tigers and Bears...
We are going to San Diego next week and plan to take the kids to the zoo.Read More
Dad: Your sister is turning two tomorrow, can you believe it?Read More
the 4 year old: Dad, what am I wearing?
Dad: Your soccer shirt with the fireball.
the 4 year old: I can never make those.
Dad: make what?
the 4 year old: fireballs, why can’t I make fireballs dad.
Dad: Do you have lunch money?
the 8 year old: That’s ok, my teacher will give me island dressing to make my cheese sandwich taste like a cheese burger.
Macaroni & Cheese
This evening at dinner…Mom: Save your sandwich and maybe The Older Son will eat it for breakfast.
the 8 year old: Nooooo….
Dad: Shoot, I’ll eat it for lunch.
the 4 year old: I’ll eat it for macaroni & cheese.
the 4 year old: Mom, I’m Superman and you’re the girl.
Mom: I’m Supergirl.
the 4 year old: No…I’m Superman and you’re the girl.
Mom: You’re going to save me.
the 4 year old (smiling): Yeah…