• Productive Day

    by Matt Davis

    One day while on school break…

    Sam: Sage, why weren’t you productive today?
    Sage: I was very productive, I watched an entire season of my favorite show on Netflix!

  • I only stabbed you a little...

    by Matt Davis

    Sam: Ouch! You stepped on my foot.
    Sean: Sorry, but I didn’t put all my weight on it so you’ll be ok.
    Sam: “Sorry I stabbed you but I only put the tip of the blade in!”

  • The new meaning of cool.

    by Matt Davis

    Sean: Sage, look at this, I have a cut on my hand.
    Sage: Cool.

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  • Too many friends

    by Matt Davis

    Sean had just had a tonsillectomy the week before and this occurred after his first day back to school

    Dad: How’d your day go?
    Sean: (quietly) People ask me to many questions even after I tell them I can’t really talk because it hurts.

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  • First Day of Middle School

    by Matt Davis

    Dad: How was your first day?
    Sean: It was great dad. Guess what… they have a bag of cheetos in the cafeteria for 75¢!

    That’s the important fact of the day that needs to be shared?

  • All I want for Christmas

    by Matt Davis

    Sage: All I put on my Christmas list was love.
    Sean: I did that once. I regretted it.

  • Ballistaphobia

    by Matt Davis

    Sam: In PE we started football and a girl on my team is scared of balls being thrown at her. It’s call ballistaphobia.
    Sean: I’m not scared of balls…

    Sean: … being thrown at my face.

  • iPhones for dinner?

    by Matt Davis

    Sam: Mom asked if I wanted her old iPhone but I told her I didn’t.
    Dad: Why not? Have you tried an iPhone?
    Sean: They don’t taste good.

  • Bacon house!

    by Matt Davis

    My friend did a local commercial for a rehabilitation center called Beacon House. My son Sean saw the commercial while watching the super bowl.

    Sean: (yelling) Dad! Bacon House! Your friend Mike is on the Bacon house commercial! Mike went to Bacon House?! Did he get lots of bacon?

  • Pay attention and become famous

    by Matt Davis

    Sean: How does Michael Jackson lean forward all the way and then get back up?
    Dad: Maybe he’s attached to a cable.
    Sam: Maybe he took a class in physics.
    Sean: Maybe he did take a class. Maybe all the other people in the class didn’t pay attention and only he paid attention and that’s why he’s so good at it.

  • When I grow up...

    by Matt Davis

    Sam: When I grow up I want to travel. All the way from here to Maine.
    Grandma: It costs a lot of money to do all that travelling.
    Sam: If you travel for work does it still cost a lot.
    Dad: If you travel for work your work will pay for it.
    Sam: Then I’ll get a job that will help me travel. Like a con-man.

  • Death by Hiccups or Dad

    by Matt Davis

    Sean and Sage are walking up the stairs
    Sean: Dad, I have the hiccups

    Dad walks past the stairs and then turns and roar’s at Sean and Sage
    Sage: Daddy, you scared me.
    Sean: (crying) Dad… you…scared… me…
    Dad: Do you still have the hiccups?
    Sean: (crying) no…

  • The Easter Bunny

    by Matt Davis

    Sean: I love the Easter Bunny more than anyone. Except for God. I have to love God the most.
    Sean: But I wish I could love orange chicken more than God… and hot cheetos.

  • Meatball

    by Matt Davis

    Sage: Daddy, this thing on my foot…
    Dad: Your ankle?
    Sage: My ankle looks like a meatball.

  • How to be a Princess

    by Matt Davis

    Dad: How was your day today Sage?
    Sage: whining ugh
    Sean: Somebody doesn’t want to be a princess.

  • The S Word

    by Matt Davis

    Dad: Are you kids ready to go?
    Sam: Let’s do this thing!
    Sean: Ohhhh… Sam said the “S” word!
    Dad: What? Sh#%?
    Sean: No, “stupid”. That’s the“S” word.

  • Ponies... just think of ponies

    by Matt Davis

    Grandma: I had this song stuck in my head all day yesterday. What was it?
    Dad: Probably best if you don’t remember it.
    Sean: Just think about ponies and you won’t remember it.

  • Must be pink

    by Matt Davis

    A conversation with the kids.

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  • Future Soccer Star

    by Matt Davis

    Sean just loves sports. He loves them all. He loves to be outside chasing a ball. Of all the sports he’s played I get the impression he loves soccer the most. During a break in the action at his game a week back he tells me that he is the best player on the team.

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  • Too young

    by Matt Davis

    Sean: Dad, I fell on the monkey bars and hurt my privates again.
    Dad: Be careful Sean, if you do that too much you won’t be able to have kids.
    Sean: Dad, only girls make babies in their tummy’s.
    Dad: Yeah Sean but… um… Never mind…
    Sam: Dad, he’s too young for that conversation.
    Dad: What do you mean? You’re too young for that conversation!

  • River

    by Matt Davis

    Sean had a blast swimming and riding on the boat.

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  • Pick My Nose

    by Matt Davis

    Sage: Daddy, tomorrow mommy’s going to pick my nose.
    Dad: You’re mom’s going to pick your nose?
    Sean and Sam: Ewwww….. gross!
    Sage: No Daddy! Tomorrow mommy’s going to pick my nose.
    Dad: Pick your nose?
    Sage: Daddy, my fingers. Mommy’s going to paint my fingers.
    Dad: OH! Mommy’s going to PAINT your NAILS!

  • Huh?

    by Matt Davis

    Sage: Daddy, when is mommy picking me up?

    Dad: You’re going to mommy’s house tonight but daddy is going to pick you up from school.
    Sage: Huh?
    Dad: You’re going to mommy’s house tonight but daddy is going to pick you up from school if mommy’s not done with her dentist appoi…
    Sage: Huh?
    Dad: Daddy’s picking you up today but you are going to mommy’s house after.
    Sage: Huh daddy?
    Dad: Today maybe.
    Sage: Daddy, when is mommy picking me up?

  • little...

    by Matt Davis

    Jasmin: Ew, Sagey! You Farted!
    Sage: It’s, it’s just a little fart.

  • Yum, Dolphin!

    by Matt Davis

    We were watching some Barbie Princess movie and there were dolphins…
    tv: dolphin sounds
    Sage: Ahhh! That’s scary.
    Dad: Those aren’t sharks sweetheart, their dolphins. They’re good.
    Sage: We don’t eat them Daddy!

  • Sage's Bed

    by Matt Davis

    Sage got a beautiful bed with Disney princess sheets and comforter for her birthday (thank you Grandma). She’s been getting used to sleeping in it by herself.

    There’s a Toy Story poster of Rex the dinasour right next to her bed.
    The first night…
    Sage: Daddy, I’m scared of the giraffe.

    One night, after doing well a couple nights in a row, when putting her to bed…
    Dad: Sage, time to go lay down in your princess bed.
    Sage: I want grandma to take it back to the store.
    She always sleeps well once she gets to sleep and is happy about it in the morning.

  • I'm Allergic

    by Matt Davis

    Took the boys to get a hair cut on Saturday.
    Hair cut lady calls Sean’s name
    Sean: Dad I can’t get a haircut from a girl!
    Dad: Why Sean?
    Sean: I’m allergic!

  • More Shots!

    by Matt Davis

    The next day Sean had an appoinment…
    Dad: How was the doctor’s office?
    Sean: It was bad.
    Dad: What happened?
    Sean: I had to get seven shots.
    Dad: Oh, no… but I thought shots just tickle?
    Sean:…I lied…

  • Vaccination? What's that?

    by Matt Davis

    Sam had a check up at the doctor’s office yesterday.
    Nurse (to dad): Looks like he needs a vaccination.
    Sam: Vaccination? What’s that?
    Nurse (to dad): So I’ll bring it in when the doctor is ready.

    Read More
  • To the rescue

    by Matt Davis

    We were dangerously low on milk this morning.
    Sean: Dad, how come you never go to the store and buy milk while we’re asleep.

    Dad: I can’t, there wouldn’t be anyone to watch you. If something happened who would save you?
    Sean: Batman and Superman.

  • Santaphobia

    by Matt Davis

    Christmas Morning
    Dad: Did Santa come?

    the 5-year-old boy: No.
    Dad: Did you look in the living room and see if there were presents under the tree?
    the 5-year-old boy: No.
    Dad: Well, go look.
    the 5-year-old boy: I’m scared.

  • Dirty Baby

    by Matt Davis

    the almost 5 year old Dad, if mommy had another baby in her tummy, and she eats, the baby will get all dirty.

  • Mean Brother

    by Matt Davis

    When dropping off the 9 year old son at school his 4 year old brother and 2 year old sister scream good by to him through the window.

    Dad: You’ve got a great big brother, I like him. Do you like your big brother?
    Little Sister: I do!
    Dad: How about you Sean?
    Little Brother: Not when he’s mean.

  • Sean's First Day of School

    by Matt Davis

    Dad: Are you excited about your first day of school?

    Read More
  • by Matt Davis

    Dad: We’re going to my friend’s birthday party on Saturday. She’s going to have a piñata and goodie bags.

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  • Lions and Tigers and Bears...

    by Matt Davis

    We are going to San Diego next week and plan to take the kids to the zoo.

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  • Sibling Abuse

    by Matt Davis

    Dad: Your sister is turning two tomorrow, can you believe it?

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  • Fireballs

    by Matt Davis

    the 4 year old: Dad, what am I wearing?Dad: Your soccer shirt with the fireball.
    the 4 year old: I can never make those.
    Dad: make what?
    the 4 year old: fireballs, why can’t I make fireballs dad.

  • Island Dressing

    by Matt Davis

    Dad: Do you have lunch money?
    the 8 year old: That’s ok, my teacher will give me island dressing to make my cheese sandwich taste like a cheese burger.

  • Macaroni & Cheese

    by Matt Davis

    This evening at dinner…Mom: Save your sandwich and maybe The Older Son will eat it for breakfast.
    the 8 year old: Nooooo….
    Dad: Shoot, I’ll eat it for lunch.
    the 4 year old: I’ll eat it for macaroni & cheese.

  • Superman

    by Matt Davis

    the 4 year old: Mom, I’m Superman and you’re the girl.
    Mom: I’m Supergirl.
    the 4 year old: No…I’m Superman and you’re the girl.
    Mom: You’re going to save me.
    the 4 year old (smiling): Yeah…